Excerpt taken from here:
Notice whenever someone obfuscates the heart of the matter it is always for our own protection?…Please!…Where are the advocates for Black women in church who are like sitting ducks for predators mindlessly heeding the “wait” doctrine?
I am including an excerpt from my book “Black Women Deserve Better” to illustrate this wicked game…
Looking to God for Answers
Yes, I am going there! The only disclaimer I will give this passage is that it has nothing to do with my love for God. I am also far from perfect, but this does not disqualify me from pointing ongoing problems in the church. I do not believe His hand is in many of the shenanigans witnessed in Black churches. When I lacked understanding, my anger and questions were directed at God. God is awesome but still allows humans free will. After tampering with His plan, we can return to the right way of doing things. There has been an unspoken rule not to speak on the Black church’s role in keeping Black women single. Where should we begin? First of all, the Bible is being used as an unwilling accomplice to the “Called to be single” doctrine. From my vantage point, someone is getting a sweet deal in keeping around accomplished, bright, single Black women, with disposable funds at the ready. Call me cynical, but the absence of single Black women eternally free to cook dinners, volunteer endless hours, tithe, and run a gambit of ministries would leave many in a lurch. Hiring out these services would cost a fortune. This is another example of a situation where we all need to ask, Who benefits? Single Black women are often afraid to question this arrangement for fear of being rebuked. Is being a satisfied single the missing commandment? If the questions become too frequent and too loud the “singleness is a gift” mantra is crammed down her throat. In addition, her faith in God is questioned for “Making an idol” out of marriage. From personal experience, this is a major contributor to church hurt. Single women are often made to feel guilty for having an education, career and a place to lay her head at night. Otherwise, where would she live? I do not anticipate church leaders raising up to demand that single men take on a wife and stop procrastinating. God ordained marriage. The directive from Him to “Be fruitful and multiply” comes to mind. It’s the world that has perverted His plan into a “Forever satisfied single” doctrine. We should all pray for God’s direction, especially when making life-altering decisions. However, He will not send a mate via air courier. Singles must get moving! Another deception is that single Christian women have to jump through more flaming hoops than circus tigers in order to be deemed worthy of a spouse. Each book, sermon and seminar will place another obstacle in the way of marriage. The following list of actions includes great character builders in themselves; however, they appear to be used as stall tactics. Here are some of the ”go throughs” which are set before single Christian women:
-Trials by fire
-Waiting on the “breakthrough”
-Learning the art of ”submission.” Practice with dad, pastor, employer, neighbors, male dog, and the grocery boy
-Learning to be content with just the Lord
-Continuously exorcising the cemetery called “the past”
-Do more volunteer work
-Endless singles conferences that usually costs $50 and up a head. How much money do Black women spend on these things? Figure in lodging, gas, food, and purchasing supplemental materials relevant to the conference, and someone is making a mint!
-Working with youth groups, taking on babysitting, and holding other people’s infants to quell the desire for your own
(Update: Now single Black women are called to adopt BonQuisha & Ray-Ray’s & kids without considering the implications!)
-Reading more books advising the Christian woman to do all of the above again
The cycle never ends. That leaves Black women in their thirties, forties, and even fifties (yikes!) still waiting on God to deliver a Christian man in a sanctuary with little to no men. There is a popular Christian author who has put out several “Waiting on the Lord” books. She is a Black woman in her forties and has been waiting for a mate since I’ve began reading her books in the late 1990s. Sometimes I wonder if she is waiting for a Christian Black man in her church to rise up. Or is it something a bit more sinister?…