Dec 8, 2009

Parenting Fail


I got these in an email today. Ha!!





This one is my personal favorite. lmao





Nov 19, 2009

I love this woman's blog


Excerpt taken from here:

Notice whenever someone obfuscates the heart of the matter it is always for our own protection?…Please!…Where are the advocates for Black women in church who are like sitting ducks for predators mindlessly heeding the “wait” doctrine?

I am including an excerpt from my book “Black Women Deserve Better” to illustrate this wicked game…

——————————————————————————————————————————

Looking to God for Answers

Yes, I am going there! The only disclaimer I will give this passage is that it has nothing to do with my love for God. I am also far from perfect, but this does not disqualify me from pointing ongoing problems in the church. I do not believe His hand is in many of the shenanigans witnessed in Black churches. When I lacked understanding, my anger and questions were directed at God. God is awesome but still allows humans free will. After tampering with His plan, we can return to the right way of doing things. There has been an unspoken rule not to speak on the Black church’s role in keeping Black women single. Where should we begin? First of all, the Bible is being used as an unwilling accomplice to the “Called to be single” doctrine. From my vantage point, someone is getting a sweet deal in keeping around accomplished, bright, single Black women, with disposable funds at the ready. Call me cynical, but the absence of single Black women eternally free to cook dinners, volunteer endless hours, tithe, and run a gambit of ministries would leave many in a lurch. Hiring out these services would cost a fortune. This is another example of a situation where we all need to ask, Who benefits? Single Black women are often afraid to question this arrangement for fear of being rebuked. Is being a satisfied single the missing commandment? If the questions become too frequent and too loud the “singleness is a gift” mantra is crammed down her throat. In addition, her faith in God is questioned for “Making an idol” out of marriage. From personal experience, this is a major contributor to church hurt. Single women are often made to feel guilty for having an education, career and a place to lay her head at night. Otherwise, where would she live? I do not anticipate church leaders raising up to demand that single men take on a wife and stop procrastinating. God ordained marriage. The directive from Him to “Be fruitful and multiply” comes to mind. It’s the world that has perverted His plan into a “Forever satisfied single” doctrine. We should all pray for God’s direction, especially when making life-altering decisions. However, He will not send a mate via air courier. Singles must get moving! Another deception is that single Christian women have to jump through more flaming hoops than circus tigers in order to be deemed worthy of a spouse. Each book, sermon and seminar will place another obstacle in the way of marriage. The following list of actions includes great character builders in themselves; however, they appear to be used as stall tactics. Here are some of the ”go throughs” which are set before single Christian women:

-Sanctification

-Purification

-Trials by fire

-Fasting

-Waiting on the “breakthrough”

-Learning the art of ”submission.” Practice with dad, pastor, employer, neighbors, male dog, and the grocery boy

-Learning to be content with just the Lord

-Continuously exorcising the cemetery called “the past”

-Do more volunteer work

-Endless singles conferences that usually costs $50 and up a head. How much money do Black women spend on these things? Figure in lodging, gas, food, and purchasing supplemental materials relevant to the conference, and someone is making a mint!

-Working with youth groups, taking on babysitting, and holding other people’s infants to quell the desire for your own

(Update: Now single Black women are called to adopt BonQuisha & Ray-Ray’s & kids without considering the implications!)

-Reading more books advising the Christian woman to do all of the above again

The cycle never ends. That leaves Black women in their thirties, forties, and even fifties (yikes!) still waiting on God to deliver a Christian man in a sanctuary with little to no men. There is a popular Christian author who has put out several “Waiting on the Lord” books. She is a Black woman in her forties and has been waiting for a mate since I’ve began reading her books in the late 1990s. Sometimes I wonder if she is waiting for a Christian Black man in her church to rise up. Or is it something a bit more sinister?…


Nov 15, 2009

With apologies to Blair Waldorf

I love leggings.

And I want the ones pictured below, but I can't bring myself to spend $348 on leggings because I have yet to wake up and discover that I have become Oprah's daughter in my sleep. Damn.



So instead I have to settle for these. *sigh* Lol.



Working as the BCBGeneration Specialist in Macy's Impulse Dept. this year revived my wardrobe and reawakened the dangerously trendy tendencies that live inside of me. Hence, the leggings. I even have damn shoe booties and various other Jessica Simpson accessories. I should take more pictures when I leave the house but I seriously suck at cam phone pics. I need a paparazzo on my payroll. He will be for TwitPic purposes only. ;-)

Oh yeah. I love Nicki Minaj. Since the general consensus on her is either intese love or intense hatred. Then again I don't give a shit about whether or not she's "good for hip hop" or whatever. What do I know? I used to have a Ma$e cd. lmao
Speaking of hip hop, how long are we gonna let Aubrey Graham be Drake? Is this necessary? Damn you CTV for firing him. Spinner needs a friend and all he has is that stupid band. I'm just saying.

Anyway. Where do I wanna go next? I was gonna stick to the old LA fallback but I also owe Roger Talley a visit now that he's in Vegas. I should just go to McRae and eat corn pudding with Pamma and Aunt Jean for a week.

*-I've been a blog neglectress. I apologize to the like 1 person who follows me. =D

Sep 30, 2009

It's been awhile

It's been awhile but my ADD has been on a rampage lately and I've only been able to handle short Twitter bursts. LOL!

I didn't mean to neglect the (5) people who actually read my blog. =D =D

I'm not working tomorrow. Maybe I'll post a bunch of random pics or something.

Aug 24, 2009

I can't figure out if this is worse than another Tyler Perry movie....


I was browsing here and saw this link and it lead me here.

Y'all...this is why we can't have nice things.

Why does that horrible book need to be made into a movie? And why can't I figure out if this is worse than a Tyler Perry movie? I mean, so few things in this universe are worse, in my opinion, than a Tyler Perry movie.

Let's compare them:

Steve Harvey's book - Regurgitated, plagiarized material, repackaged by a man in a pimp suit and cosigned by fucking Oprah, at whom I am still mad for fucking up Their Eyes Were Watching God, lol.

A Tyler Perry movie - Regurgitated, repackaged stereotypes and bullshit, presented by a crossdressing, chitlin circuit "screenwriter" and cosigned by fucking Oprah, at whom I am still mad for inspiring fucking Tyra Banks and making her think she should talk instead of sit there and look pretty.

It's a close one.

I mean, Oprah did get Obama elected, but I'm convinced that she funds a lot of this crap that contributes to the fucked up condition of the black community so..........yeah.

I might have to get back to you on this one. Either way, I'm upset. ;-)

Aug 5, 2009

20 Years Ago



My uncle, Buddy, stage name, Vinx.

They say that the first man a girl ever loves is her daddy. Which is true, in my case. But, luckily, I was given 2 men, real men, to love before I could even walk (or talk or write or eat solid foods, etc. lol).



Almost 26 years ago, my beautiful. wonderful self was born into this world, welcomed by, among others, my grandfather. Poppy, as I called him (cuz just learning to talk Melissa couldn't pronounce things properly, remember? Lmao). He was, according to my mother, delighted to have his first grandchild. And, as I vaguely remember, he was even more delighted that I was.......a handful, because he liked to watch my mother try to manage me. Parents, it seems, sit in wait for the day when their children have to be parents, so they can laugh at them. Ha!



20 years ago, while stopping for a pack of cigarettes at a gas station, my Poppy, my mother's Daddy, an Air Force veteran, husband, brother, son, was killed. Stabbed to death by some carjacking career criminal the prison system decided they no longer had room to house. For the wallet he willingly gave up and the keys he hurriedly handed over.

20 years ago, some punk broke my grandmother's heart.

When my daddy passed away, one of the first things my mother said (in a laughably vain attempt) to comfort me was that I was lucky to have had a father, a real father, who loved me and raised me and disciplined me and took care of me. In her eulogy, she jokingly talked about how I had (in all seriousness) come home from my first year of college and hugged her, thanking her for staying married to my father, because I had seen what growing up without a man in the home could do to a young girl.

Well........today I read the tribute she gave at her own father's funeral and something else she said touched me (it turns out that my mother is actually as wise as she pretends to be):
Daddy was the first man I ever loved, and the first man to love me. So when I began to look for the man to spend the rest of my life with, I knew exactly what qualities were important. The attributes I found in my husband were the ones I observed in my daddy.
And she was right.

Aug 1, 2009

Happy August

Once again, I am reminded of why I don't plan. It never works out that way anyway. It's simply easier to be prepared for things and let life happen however it fucking wants to, because that's what it's going to do, ya know?

My birthday is in 3 and a half weeks. I am wisely choosing to not expect to be doing anything of interest for it. Heh.

That is all.

Jul 4, 2009

Am I the only one who has a problem with this?

I follow CNN on Twitter. They post good shit and I trust them to be a credible news resource. But...what the fuck is this? (Not that I'm blaming CNN for it, just...smdh)

I came across this link: Single black women choosing to adopt - It is apparently a part of their Black in America series. Whatever. Still disturbing.

Since when...since when is having a baby something that you can rush because you feel like you're running out of time, but you're still waiting for God to "guide you to the right man"? And then, to top it off, the woman responsible for that nonsense has 3 adopted children. Yeah. Okay, "sister". You keep waiting for God to guide a man your way who feels like dealing with your baggage. *snort* She is also quoted as saying
"I am not going to settle and get married just for the sake of being married". Ummm......let's rework that sentence: "I am not going to settle and have children just for the sake of having children." See how both sound like reasonable, mature things to say as a single woman? Sheesh!

Now please, don't get me wrong. Adoption is a beautiful and selfless thing that renews my faith in the spirit of human kindness and whatnot, but seriously. Adopting a child because you claim you can't find a good man and you're sick of waiting for one is ludicrous. Not to mention incredibly selfish. This isn't an unplanned pregnancy, where a woman might decide to have the baby for various reasons, nor is it adoption because a couple has fertility issues. Children aren't accessories nor are they salves to make you feel better about being lonely. Get a puppy. lol

And of course, the article focusing on the fact that it's black women apparently leading this "trend" did not escape me. Major WTF?! How far is this whole "independent woman" "there aren't any good black men" thing really gonna go? I mean, yeah. Buy Louboutins. Push a Lexus. Fly off with your girls to Jamaica or Aruba. Figure out your own 401k thingy. (something I still need to do, btw) But can we stop pretending that the rapid disappearance of black families isn't a tragedy and/or acting like it is truly possible to make a "family" out of any old combination of people living in the same house? Grrr!

And I refuse to comment on the section of the article where they talked about how adoptive parents are rejecting the dark skinned children.

*sigh*



Jun 30, 2009

FYI

This is to all the black men with non black girlfriends who start acting guilty and special when I walk past:

I don't give a fuck. Stop it! LOL.

Now, no matter how I feel about some of the reasons why black men have decided to stop dating black women, I promise, in fact, I solemnly swear, that I won't bite you if I see y'all out with your girl. Stop calling attention to the fact that you're uncomfortable with your relationship. It's dumb, but it does make me giggle, so thanks for that.

I'm sorry that you feel like every single solitary black woman in this country is mad at you and your girl. But shit. It's not that deep. Stop ducking your heads, shuffling your feet, pulling her close to you, looking at the ceiling, pulling your phone out real quick, etc. when you see me. Please!

Thank you. =D

Jun 17, 2009

Negrocity!!



As cute as I've always thought Toya was, it's not like I ever thought either she or Tiny should......speak. Saints preserve, us!

I mean, this proves that anybody can get a reality show these days. smdh

Jun 2, 2009

Los Angeles

I will be there: June 21 - June 24.

Does anyone know where I can get like 500 condoms for free? No, I'm NOT going to USE them. I'm going to shoot with them. LOL!

May 18, 2009

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

I came across 2 hilarious links last night.

The first was a list on Model Mayhem. Shameful. Why is there a list dedicated to pictures of men pretending to be "thugs and G's"? Modeling is pretending, list maker. You should know that. LOL

Then......hilarity.

WhyTheFuckDoYouHaveAKid.Com

Sad? Yes. Gut wrenchingly funny? All day.

The best one so far:


I agree with that guy. Why IS there a child?! Haaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!

May 11, 2009

Mother's Day Happy!




I swear, chubby smiley cheeks is so in my DNA. LOL

Now that's a bad bitch.....

Proverbs 31:10-31 (King James Version)
10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
31Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

What's this? Melissa posting Bible verses?! Is this a sign of the Apocalypse or something?

Yes. Yes it is. Go buy a lot of batteries and bottled water.

=D =D

May 5, 2009

I hope they went home after this.......



and had hot monkey sex.
Because Reggie, that's what I would do.
Kim, same thing.
LOL
Hot ass fucking couple. Damn!





More Happy!







May 3, 2009

It's May!!

It's May and Mother's Day is coming up. Which means............Pamma and Aunt Jean are coming! =D

I'm a dork. I call my grandmother Pamma. Leave me alone, just learning to talk Melissa couldn't pronounce Grandma. So what? lol.

Anyway, she has a twin sister and they are super cute and they live together in a tiny little town in Georgia and because they are like 77 and have nothing else to do (how fabulous), they drive up to see us in my grandmother's old lady car and stay around for a month or so. And they cook. Which makes me extra excited. Because my mother does not cook. It's a tragedy. She buys a ton of Lean Cuisines and then looks at me crazy when I say I'm hungry. *headdesk*

So. They'll be here soon.

Happy!

Apr 20, 2009

I was pleased...

I was pleased that my hair didn't fall out and then I hit up Facebook and saw this nonsense:



Click on the pic for the full size and to read the whole thing.

Anyway....

Apr 17, 2009

Workout Motivation

aka What I need to look like at 40
aka Good Black don't crack...........lol







Apr 10, 2009

Do some good in the world.............

I first saw this ad when I was watching an episode of Buffy on Hulu and meant to go to it when I got some extra cash, but then I forgot. But.........I just saw it posted on facebook and now I'm spreading the word a bit more.





Kiva

Apr 5, 2009

I went to the club last night....

I went to the club last night and realized something: Debutantes don't belong in places where the dj shouts out things like "All the baby mamas make some noise!!". Even if that is the place where I finally found a girl bartender who doesn't make a weak ass Jack and Coke. Because.....what's up with girl bartenders making weak drinks? Do I look like I want a weak drink? I just ordered Jack Daniel's. People who do that aren't lightweights. And if they are, that's their fault for not ordering a damn Sex on the Beach or whatever.

But I digress. Who came up with the Stanky Leg? And why is it just a hootchied up version of the Tootsie Roll?

I think I'm too old for clubs. Point me in the direction of a lounge or something. A place with candles. Candle places usually have pot stickers on platters and Gentleman Jack and champagne that isn't some obscure house label. And women who look like they are named LaQuisha with 5 kids and a tacky dress from Gordman's that accentuates how much baby weight they have NOT lost aren't allowed in. Yes. Point me in the direction of that.

Good thing I found a good bartender last night. I bet she wondered why I tipped her so well. LOL

Mar 30, 2009

Time is moving quickly




And I wish I could be in more than one place at once. But, alas alack, I cannot. Hee hee.

I avoid change. It throws me off center and I hate to stumble. That is not to say that I can't handle change, just that I'd prefer to keep it to a minimum. And these days.............bleh. Change is all around me. It's hovering, waiting to fuck with one of my lists.

My new job is pretty cool. Not having to be at a desk before the sun is even fully up is pretty sweet. And I have a new accessory obsession: scarves. It's spring time and they add color, so yay! Besides, what can go wrong when your reward for a good job is a BCBG wardrobe allowance every month? lol Sure beats an office pizza party, I'll tell you that!

The new Axe Hair products smell vile, just to let you know. Don't put that shit in your hair, buy the Gillette stuff instead. Hahahahahaha.

April starts on Wednesday. Isn't that nuts? I think it's nuts. Two seconds ago I was in Vegas, chillaxin. 10 seconds ago I was in New York, actin an ass with The Collective. How is it April? I still have too much to do this year. I need to make a trip to LA before I move. I need to hit up AZ and go see bt. And when in the hell am I going to drag my happy ass to Atlanta? I need more time! And another airline sale. Let's not even get into the fact that I have to go scout out my prospective new home. Bleh! I need a frequent flyer card. Why have I never signed up for one? What was I thinking?

I want some more cotton candy.



Fluffy puppy!!

Anyway..............I think I'm getting sick of "models". They look like they're being put together in a factory somewhere, composed of 5 different options for eyes, noses, lips, tits, waists, hips, legs. Ugh. Half of them aren't even beautiful, they're just...........pleasant enough to look at for a few seconds before you hit the Back button or change the channel. But at least King will never run out of Web Girls of the Week, right? LOL

So yeah......thus ends another random entry. Later, y'all.

Mar 23, 2009

"13 reasons that Leverage is the bestthingever"

I saw this link on TWOP's Leverage forum. It made me giggle.

Click it. Thanks. Hee!!

Mar 20, 2009

Black Marriage Day

I'm going to do something that may seem a bit out of character.
I'm going to put down the sparkles and frivolity for a second and touch on something "important".
But I can't guarantee that it won't still be a bit shiny; glitter is difficult to get rid of. ;-)

March 22 is Black Marriage Day. I didn't even know that that day existed, but I think it's pretty cool. Anyway, when I went to the website for the event, www.BlackMarriageDay.com, and looked around, I saw something I consider even more "important" - The National Fatherhood Initiative.

Now, obviously, I can never be a father (and thank God, mothers get better presents, lol) but as anyone close to me knows, I feel very strongly about how much of an impact my own father was in my life before he passed away. A child's father is their first example of manhood, for better or for worse, and to me that is something undeniable.

So anyway, this is what I found:
- An explanation of the Legacy Campaign
- The Legacy Wall, which features marriage stories
- A link to the African American Healthy Marriage Initiative (kinda hokey)

Okay. Enough of being "deep".

Mar 14, 2009

The.Greatest.Thing.EVER.

So I was on this sorta lame photographer's page and I saw this book cover among his pics.
It looked hi-larious so I googled it to see what it was about.
This is what I found.



*dies laughing*

Seriously people, this is the greatest fucking thing ever EVER EVER in life!!
Finding this was a gift from the Lord God Himself.
Ransom and I laughed the entire time we were looking at the website.

*dies, DIES I tell you, laughing*

But hey. She's doing her thing, so I can't really hate on that. But.........I can still think it's the funniest thing ever.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Help my boy Will out!!








So yeah. Will Springfield needs people to go tell Bombin' Magazine how fucking AWESOME he is. Because he is super, uber awesome. Just check out all the fantastic examples of his work I snagged to put in this post





Anyway, be useful before you go update your Facebook status and click this - Show and Prove - and leave a comment about how worthy Will is.